Awakened by thoughts…

thinking

It’s 5:30am and it’s very quiet in the house the only sound is my coffee brewing, wait… coffee is ready, let me serve myself a cup. My mind is fearlessly full of thoughts and my heart is pounding with excitement, like I have discovered something totally amazing.

In the past months my mind, like most people at one point or another has been filled with uncertainties, doubts and unsettledness. I have spoken in the past about color affecting me and maybe I have shared or not shared my constant insecurities. It’s been 45 years in this life time and I have always felt uncomfortable within myself, not sure of being sure, struggling with my indecisiveness of my decision; am I pretty, am I ugly; am I healthy, am I unhealthy; am I happy, am I sad; am I doing what I enjoy, am I hating it; am I an artist, I am not an artist; am I successful, am I a failure; am I in the right direction, am I totally confused. It’s been such a struggle that even when I succeed I still don’t see the fruition, how sad is that, to strive for perfection that you tend to pass by your accomplishments without acknowledgement. I have always had an inner spiritual gut feeling of things that I have to re-ground myself and it has always helped me to get by; it’s kind of an internal alarm in my mind that goes off and tells me I need to re-align my mind, my way of thinking and I go into these in search of journeys. So, I have always been intrigued by Buddhism and their teachings and have followed a lot of their ideals, but not as a religious option but like a philosophical supplement. Lately, I have been reading more Buddhism books. I pick them up in my Kindle I read and some of it go over my head… some I digest but recently I read one that has awakened me and has me thinking of how I have felt this past 45 years, at least the ones I remember.

These little tidbits has really hit home and has inspired me to just chill, to enjoy the moment, to enjoy being indecisive, that it’s okay to feel. The following are renditions of the book “Buddha in Blue Jeans” by Tai Sheridan and my added thoughts.

“Accept Your Feelings –your feelings are your heart and gut response to your surroundings, people and events, you just have to sort them out and use them as a guidance to tell you what you really need.  Learn to be gracious with your unmet needs”. It’s okay to feel, it’s okay to be uncertain, feelings are constantly be replaced by other feelings. One moment we may be happy driving and all of the sudden you’re pissed off because someone cuts you off but you won’t stress about it the rest of the day, why bother.

“Give Thoughts Room – your thoughts are just that, thoughts. Treat your mind like the sky and your thoughts are clouds in the sky; some are clear and some are muddy.” Don’t get stuck with your thoughts, just watch them and enjoy them like a movie. Just like clouds your thoughts change.

“Be Who You Are- Don’t try to live up to your performance expectations.  Be authentic, be genuine, be real, be yourself”. We are born as an original, embrace your originality.

“Live Each Moment- The past is a memory, the future is a wish, Now is real. Bring yourself to now”. Why do we stress with the success we don’t have or had, if we live the present we enjoy it. Everything is temporary good, bad or indifferent, just enjoy what you have now, every day is your success.

This book really got me thinking…We get angry and frustrated because we tend to compare, we compare our past or we try to measure up to where we want to be. I need to just be.

I am Awakened by thoughts this morning… and I go back to read portions of that book and I think I am starting to get it. Why am I obsessing over some many things, why am I sitting everyday struggling with the lack off whatever the thought is that day? I think I was torturing myself; I need to move on and not compare and take every day for what it is. If I paint, then I paint; if my painting sucks, then it sucks, I will have others; if I am sad, I won’t be later; if I have an idea that gives me a good feeling then, I run with it and execute it. Each day I will try to run with what I have. Kind of like that quote; “When Life Gives You Lemons Make Lemonade”. I figure baby steps, I will embrace whatever I choose to accomplish or don’t accomplish today.

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